On Mar 8, 2002, at 3:29 AM, Keaka Jackson wrote:

Hey Kids,

Yesterday at 5am I was jarred awake by this high-pitched squeaking. Of course, this happens every night, because Mikey is always whining about something at 5am.

Yesterday, however, the culprit was a frickin’ cricket. This thing wouldn’t shut up. After 15 minutes of listening to Mikey complain about his fear of crickets, I finally decided to rescue him. Being the nice, sensitive Tranconian that I am, I dutifully chased the cricket out of our room and placed it in Peter’s room.

It’s 3am the next day. Cricket is back. Cricket is back with a vengeance. I hate Cricket. I can’t even find cricket. Cricket is hiding so deep under Mikey’s crap, I have failed to find him after 30 minutes of poking around with my cricket detector (magic ski pole). Cricket is squeaking non-stop at at least 40 decibels. I hate cricket. Since it’s 3am and I can’t sleep, I am forced to let Trancos feel my pain through email.

This email actually has a point. Since this cricket fiasco is clearly going to become a regular event, I’m looking for a futon to crash on whenever Cricket decides to stop by and torture me. Don’t worry about Mikey, he sleeps better with relentless noise.


Keaka and Mikey.

P.S. This is Mikey. Keaka is a pansy and woke up scared as hell when he heard Cricket peeping. I told his ass to go to bed, but he proceeded to turn the lights on and that’s why I’m in such a bad mood. I didn’t get enough sleep and am incoherent. I hate Keaka. I looooove Cricket. I love hearing Keaka wake up and in dead seriousness say, “FOOOCK YOUUUU CRICKET!” I’m going to turn in now while Keaka nods off between Cricket’s mating calls. Dear god, Cricket is horny tonight.

P.P.S. This is Keaka again. I hate Mikey even more than I hate Cricket. Mikey just told me he is actually turned on by Cricket’s mating calls. I need a futon now more than ever, as Mikey is finally going to be getting a little action in my room.

P.P.P.S. This is Mikey. This is Mikey’s room. Keaka is a little leaching hobo. He needs to go back to his little shack out by Sand Hill. If all of you could only hear what he’s whispering to himself. He’s going delirious with his little whispers under his breath, “Cricket? Cricket! Cricket? Crickeeeeet… ”

P.P.P.P.S. Keaka here. This is definitely my room. I won it from Mikey fair and square in a Timmy fighting contest. And you have no idea how edgey Cricket is making Mikey. Mikey is such a pansy. A few minutes ago, Mikey basically pissed his pants just because Glenn came into the room. Then he went nuts screaming about how Glenn was really Zack. At this very moment, Mikey is standing on his dresser with a ski pole stabbing behind the bed yelling, “He’s right here. I know he’s right here. I’m going to get him. Cricket must be so scared!!” A few minutes ago, he was yelling the same thing while sprawled on the floor in a different corner of the room. Mikey’s survival skills aren’t very honed. Now he’s begging me to get on the case. I’m off to save Mikey’s ass again.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Keaka is going to sleep in the lounge. Now who’s the pansy? I even had to correct Keaka’s spelling of “pansey.” And I’m just trying to save Timmy from sleep deprivation since he can’t sleep. Uh-oh. I think Cricket’s asleep now.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Only a pansy worries about the spelling of pansy at 3:30am. And the only reason I’m going to sleep in the lounge is because Mikey won’t let me have my turn at Cricket hunting. I could catch him in 10 seconds, but Mikey has to try to save face. He just proclaimed he’s “Going back into action.” I’m going to sleep in the lounge. I hate Cricket. Timmy.

[Editor’s Note, September 30, 2005: In our vocabulary, the word pansy refers to a wimp. A wimp is a weak, cowardly, unadventurous person. Like Mikey.]

4 Responses to “Timmy!!”

  1. Sanity Software News » Blog Archive » SMS widget 2.2 Released Says:

    […] Added support for Cricket. That’s Cricket the wireless carrier, not Cricket the Cricket. […]

  2. India Fan Says:

    Indian will win the World Cup.
    No Doubt !!!!!

  3. SomeBody Says:

    Grr. Cricket is f**king annoying. maybe crickets with meet bugspray.. that will shut them up.

  4. Basia Says:

    Oh geez.
    I have a fear of crickets.
    I would have been out of the house in five seconds flat.
    Maybe i’m a ‘pansy/pansey’,
    i don’t know,
    but i hate them.

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