Don’t read this, it’s stoopid

On Mar 5, 2002, at 11:04 PM, Keaka Jackson wrote:

Hey Kids,

A few days ago I stopped locking my bike in the hopes that somebody would steal the piece of crap so that I would have an excuse to buy a new one (a new bike, not a new piece of crap). So far, my mission to get robbed has failed. Today I even rode around with a big sign on my bike that said “STEAL ME!” Unfortunately, somebody stole the sign and left the bike.

Anyway, I’m taking bets on how long it will take for somebody to actually steal my bike. The person who comes closest to guessing the date of theft will win the following:


  1. A plate of home-baked, stale cookies that we found under Mikey’s dirty underwear while we were “cleaning” our room yesterday. I had one of the cookies last month, and it was pretty good.
  2. A coupon redeemable for one of Mikey’s famous oral foot massages.
  3. One (1) Altoid (It’s curiously strong, just like Mikey).
  4. The opportunity to fold my laundry. If you guess the exact date, you will also win the opportunity to wash my bed sheets. This is not an automatic prize, because I washed them last year so it’s not really necessary yet.
  5. Three (3) days with no emails from Keaka and Mikey.***


  1. Tranconians, or friends and family of any Tranconians, are not allowed to steal my bike.
  2. If Mikey wins, the above prizes will be replaced with slaps.

***Offer void in Hawaii, California, and Mars.

Keaka and Mikey

[Note: Read part 2 next, or else the suspense will keep you awake all night.]

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