Keaka's MeMails

The best nonsense on the web.

6th grade late slip

December 10th, 2005

[This note is from 6th grade at Punahou. I believe Mrs. Danford asked me to write her a note explaining why I was late for class, and I created this justification with the help of Scott Kikuta. We were obviously heavily influenced by Calvin and Hobbes.]

Sometime in 1992, Keaka Jackson wrote:

Martians kidnapped me. They held me at laser point
with an atom disintegrator death ray which looked like a banana.
They threatened to destroy the world with an object
that looked like an orange. I saw them purchase these
weapons at the snackbar. They forced me to have fun
They held me captive for  5  minutes, but they
let me go free when I told them I personally knew
Elvis. They agreed not to destroy the world, and
that is why I am late. Everybody should be thanking
me. The below martians have signed this excuse
slip authorizing their mistake. They are very sorry.

Late note signed by Martians

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I’m 1% cookie!

November 11th, 2005

On Nov 11, 2005, at 4:08 AM, Keaka Jackson wrote:

Actually, I’m only 0.74% cookie.

I just made a 1.125 pound batch of Nestle Toll House chocolate chip cookies and then ate it all. Thus, my body is now 0.74% chocolate chip cookie by weight.

Next week, I’m going to make a bigger batch so that I can proudly march around yelling "I’m 1% cookie"!

I’m also 100% kooky, but that’s unrelated.

I also feel slightly ill.


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