Does your roommate need a date? Don’t do this…

On Feb 11, 2002, at 4:17 AM, Keaka Jackson wrote:

Hi Logan,

I was wondering if you would go to “Screw Your Roommate” with
my roomy, the devilishly handsome Mikey!! As the most
gorgeous girl alive, I’m sure you get requests like this all the time.
However, this request is different. OK, maybe it’s not any different.
Nevertheless, please let me know if you would consider gracing
us with you presence at the Wilbur “Screw Your Roommate” on
Saturday, March 2nd. We live in Trancos, which I believe is your
old home!

Just to show you what an amazing night you would have, I’ve
gathered some quotes about Mikey:

“Mikey is so frickin’ HOT. When he takes a shower, I usually wait
in the hall to catch a glimpse of him walking to his room wearing
only a towel. Mmm, mmm. He sure is a fine piece of meat!” —
Kristen Jenkenson

“If I were gay, I’d hit that shit.” — Third floor (male) RA

“Mikey is such a SWEETY. And he makes me laugh constantly. I
wish he would write one of his romantic songs for me… That boy
has some serious guitar skills.” — Allison Morioka

“If you won’t go to Screw Your Roommate with Mikey, I hear his
roommate is single!” — Me

I could go on forever, but you get the idea. This will be a night for
the record books. You will tell your grandchildren stories of how
much fun you had at the Trancos Screw Your Roommate!

Eagerly awaiting your verdict,
Keaka

[Editor’s Note, February 3, 2006: All quotes in the email were fabricated, and should not be held against the imaginary quotees. And just in case you were wondering, the second setup attempt with an equally hot date was far more successful.

One Response to “Does your roommate need a date? Don’t do this…”

  1. Jackie Says:

    Keaka,

    I bet Mikey is just your imaginary friend and you’re the “backup dater” or “supplanter”, if you will. That’s “in case” something came up at the very last minute. Excuses as such would be provided: “Sorry, Mikey can’t make it tonight, he needed to get his infamous dog neutered.” or “Mikey had one too many NestlĂ© Toll House cookies after dinner and had to get his stomache pumped. But hey, I’ll be gladly happy to attend to your womanly needs tonight if you have 30 minutes to spare.” (just kidding!!!)

    :p

    Jackie

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