So long, and thanks for all the Starburst…

On May 6, 2005, at 3:51 AM, Keaka Jackson wrote:

Dearest Ticklers, ex-Ticklers, and a few other random people that I probably included in this email by accident,

I will be hosting a gathering at the Irish Bank on Thursday, May 12 at 5:55pm.

And when I say I’m “hosting”, I mean I’ll let everybody buy me drinks! There will be two sets of tables, one for people mourning my departure, and one for people celebrating. I will be in whichever section offers to buy me the most drinks. This probably means I’ll be sitting by Sarner. For a sales guy, he sure seems to do a lot of buying! I think I already owe him 17 times more than I’ve ever donated to his charity fundraisers.

Anyway, the way I figure it, if everybody buys me 1/2 of a drink, I’ll end the night quite happy, or in a ditch, or both, and the average person will only be out 2.5 bucks! Wow, I should be in sales.

The engineers aren’t allowed to head downstairs until 8pm, because I’ve been watching you slackers and it seems like some of you don’t get into the office until around 10! And there’s one weird guy I’ve seen wandering around barefoot! Good thing they keep those nuts in their own section of the office.

I don’t want anybody escaping the farewell festivities with lame excuses along the lines of “I couldn’t find the Bank”, so I’ve created a handy little map to ensure that you don’t get lost. If you aren’t the map reading type, I’ll summarize the directions here:

  1. Go 75 feet down vertically
  2. Go 10 feet straight horizontally

At some point in the near future, each and every one of you is going to realize how horribly dismal your life is without me. When that happens, feel free to give me a shout for any activities including but not limited to: movie-watching, hiking, surfing, snowboarding, breathing, drinking, yoga, salsa dancing, finding particularly elegant solutions to complex engineering problems, or all of the above at once.

You can find me at any of these addresses for the rest of my life:

  • Stanford CS address removed for my own protection
  • Other Stanford CS address removed for my own protection
  • Stanford alumni address removed for my own protection
  • mac.com address removed for my own protection
  • keakaj.com address removed for my own protection

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If you’re still reading this, then you don’t work nearly hard enough and Stan says he needs to see you in his office.

We’ve shared laughs, we’ve shared tears, we’ve shared water rations from the “improved” water cooler… and I hope to see you all downstairs to share blah blah blah I’m tired of writing this email but you get the picture.

Love,
Keaka

p.s. I just realized I didn’t use the BCC field for a mass email, which is an egregious sin, but my laptop battery is dying and I can’t change it now, you know how it is, thanks for your understanding.

Bank map

On May 5, 2005, at 5:46 PM, Evan Pon wrote:

Unfortunately, our relentless smack-talking, inferior intelligence, and Stanford-inferiority-complex has been too much to handle for one of our Tickle members.  All the rumors are true. Keawesome is a foosball machine. Keaka looks simply dashing in everything from jeans to scuba gear. And Keaka will be venturing beyond Tickle after May 12.

I, Evan Pon, would like to take a moment of silence to remember our most valuable employee, Keaka “Hawaiian Supaman” Jackson. Keaka was my personal hero, my idol, my inspiration! My coding will only be worth half as much without his approval.

Translation with all the verbosity removed — unfortunately, Keawesome is leaving the company to pursue some other interests. I don’t know who will teach me the finer points of foosball from here on out, but we all miss Keaka with all of our hearts.

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